On most days lately, I find myself needing to walk with a cane which makes the task slightly more bearable. I used to love to walk for fun with my girls and Sasha, in the woods, along the water front and even at work. Now it is one of my least favorite things to do simply due to the pain factor. A sad situation which I found contributes to my depression.
With every muscle fibre required to move a foot, there is a concentration of pain felt in my back and my hips. From there it travels into my joints and muscles and eventually I succumb to whole body pain. Where I feel the concentration of pain and its degree of severity are different with each new day.
These days I have been relying heavily on pain medication to be able to move through the pain. Otherwise, I would be laying idle preserving energy and in pain prevention mode and becoming more depressed.
Suffering from chronic pain is not a good quality of life and neither is becoming addicted to pain medication. Never before did I understand how someone could become addicted to pain pills but now I do.
Once you start ridding yourself of pain you no longer want to experience anymore again. You begin to take pills abruptly upon the first signs of pain in an attempt to prevent the pain from increasing and becoming out of control. Then your body begins to build a tolerance to the medication and you need to constantly increase the dosage. Before long you are addicted and your life begins to spiral out of control.
We've all heard the stories.
The past two months have been extremely painful and my demand of the pain medication has increased exponentially. My doctor has expressed her concerns of the increasing demand on the pain pills. She says it is potentially a sign of possible pain medication addiction. I can assure everyone I am not addicted to pain medication.
Unless you experience chronic pain you will never be able to understand how it wears you down and then begins inducing depression. This combination is far more potentially lethal than taking one extra pill a day which is still well within the medications guidelines.
I know people are only trying to express concern and don't want to see anything bad happen to me and my family. I want to say thank you for your concern but please trust me as I am still of sound and rational mind. I have experienced severe chronic pain everyday for two years now, all I want is the pain to go away.
